The Confessions of A Musing Mama

We of the Amusing Household are Catholics. The husby and I were Born and Raised, attending Catholic schools for almost the entirety of our educations; he chose a big State college, and I attended a Protestant private school 9th-12th somewhere deep in the South. But otherwise, we matriculated through Catholic institutions, which were positive, even life changing, experiences for each of us.

Our children are all baptized. We attend Mass nearly every Sunday. We practice our faith in the Christian, specifically Catholic, tradition. I love my faith. My education and formation and practice of the faith I think makes me a more thoughtful, grateful person. Which is good for everyone.

I say all this not to demonstrate that we are the most Orthodox religious people on the planet. Far, far from it. Really far. Really. Rather, our lifetimes of faith (so far) have brought us to wider understandings of God, the spiritual, the numinous, the great and mysterious point of it all. Which I happen to believe comes down to love -- 'love, baby, love, that's the secret...' -- and it's as simple and complex as that.

And, so, we have begun the Catholic education of the Babies. Kindergarten Boy started last August in a fantastic Catholic elementary school here in the Southwest. We looked around at a few alternatives, and this particular place not only had the academic success and strong credentials, and after-school activities, and cutie-pie celebrations, and word-of-mouth favoritism. It had that something extra, that nameless thing, that you only 'know when you see.' You know that thing (aren't I eloquent)? At Notre Dame, it's called 'mystique'. It's like that. When the community is strong, and caring. Something....this school had IT. And the place had a spectacular leader, a Sister religious, who greeted us every morning when we walked through the gates, and who threw away my lunch garbage, when the other two babies and I met Kindergarten Boy for hot-lunch in the cafeteria one Fall afternoon. In my years of working for the Corporate Man, I did learn that leadership is (almost) everything. The place of course was not perfect, but I was hard pressed to find anything better in this town, or most other towns. This place is very special, and places like this don't come along too often. We were thrilled to 1) get-in to the school and 2) be a part of all of it.

Around the same time the school year started, so did a brand new parish pastor. We do not belong to the school's parish, mostly because the we enjoy the quiet location and liturgy of our 'home' parish. It's our choice, and we pay a slightly higher tuition rate accordingly. Probably later, we'll need to change to align our Mass attendance with our children's first sacraments (Eucharist, Penance, etc.). All in good time.

The word from our friends, and others whom we know, like and respect was that this new pastor was ultra-Traditional, bringing with him daily Latin Mass (the Tridentine rite as opposed to the 'Novus Ordo' that most of us other Catholics younger than 40 only know). Ok.... Whatever. It's a part of the Catholic tradition. Fine. He required a change to the students' Religion textbooks. Whatever. It's his choice (hopefully with the school's educator and administrators' experience weighing in?). Again, fine. And then, our friendly parishioners were telling us about homilies and classroom visits sharing the insightful news that only true, rule-according (whatever that is) Catholics are saved. Implying what exactly? The rest of the Universe is damned to Hell? Uhhh....wha? Seriously? No, SERIOUSLY?!! You have got to be kidding me.

Come January, the leader of the school -- the fantastic, dedicated, kind and generous, award-winning Sister -- was fired. The Diocese came forth about two weeks later (gotta love the speed guys) stating 'no misconduct' but would comment no further due to employer-employee blah-blah-blabity-blah. Stupid Catholic Church organization. They create a lot of their own trouble. The official reason was that the Principal's and the new pastor's "vision of Catholic education" were not compatible. Christ. A Sister wasnt Catholic enough.

To save you the gory details, in sum, the school's families were ballistic. And still are. Oh, and Sister Principal was hired for the next school year by the parish school 25 blocks down the road. WTF. W. T. F. I have taken to calling this little parish pastor dumb-shit leader Pastor Disaster. Disaster is right. Ugly. There are factions now between families. Some "good Catholics" are now speaking out against the "bad Catholics"....however that line might be drawn. Many have stopped attending the parish altogether. Many are removing their children from the school. And others are more conservatively 'waiting-and-seeing'.

Catholic school contracts are due. And the question for us is to stay with the place, hoping the goodness will re-emerge or is still actually there. Or to send the future First Grade Boy to the less-academically hyped neighboring school where Sister Principal will be leading next August. What happened to the Something? Where will we find it? And what about the disruption to Kindergarten Boy's life?

This whole Disaster has made me emotional and angry. And more distrustful of the Church and its leadership, from the Pope on down. I have always been wary of the hierarchy and frankly patriarchy of the Catholic Church. But is this what it's supposed to be all about? Rules? Power? Obedience, to what exactly? Is this what I am suppposed to be getting out of my encounters with clergy and the sacraments? Anger? Are they trying for guilt? Control?

What's love got to do with any of that.